Though most of you will get what this blog is implying in regards to, just know that vagueness was intentional because we want to include our community in our struggles and how we worked through them so that if similar things come up you have a basis to off of, but I know I need to respect my wife and not talk about certain specifics to what we have gone through.
We knew going into this marriage that we were two independent people that chose to live towards similar goals in life. That dynamic doesn't come without sacrifice. Especially when it comes to finance. For this part of our lives we've been struggling on what to do to reach our goals. Her mind is simplistic and breaks it down very simply. My mind plays a numbers game. Both have valid points and reasoning behind their inception, but they were not meshing to come up with a cohesive answer either one could understand.
The best comparison I can think of is the chicken or the egg dilemma. For her, if we were to get a Chicken to start we have something to fall back on if worst case scenario it doesn't produce any eggs. For me, if we were to get an egg we could nurture it to grow as large as we would like and produce as many eggs as we want; but that did come with risk. What if we bought the wrong egg, "what ifs", etc. Neither one of us has all of our eggs in one basket, but unfortunately we still came to an impasse on either one of our ideologies.
The problem with these chicken and egg discussions is that strife between both parties came as a result. Granted the one thing Kj and I agreed on early in our relationship was that we would never go to bed mad at each other. That, among other promises, we have stayed true to. For some odd reason this chicken and egg thing was taking it's toll on our civility with each other. Neither one cussing or disrespecting, but we got louder and more frustrated as the time was progressing on. The silly thing is we were not actually frustrated at this point about the THING that was frustrating us. We were both frustrated in how each one of us reacted to being frustrated ABOUT said thing.
For Kj she was frustrated I could not understand or grasp the specifics on how getting a chicken was more beneficial to us in the long run. For me I was frustrated at the same concept from a different point of view. However, Kj was more frustrated in the fact that no matter what she said I seem to be what my mom calls "nice nasty", throwing indiscriminate daggers in trying to dismantle her basis with nothing but arguments to prove why I am right and she wasn't. I was more upset that Kj would say F*** it and give up trying to explain to me why we should go her route, and no conversation would come from it. For me I would give her what the goal was, how we would get there, what the numbers could look like etc. Kj would not have the same response in her reasoning, but I needed her to explain it to me somehow! She wouldn't. Again I was a numbers minded person, she's not, but neither one of us was exactly wrong, yet neither one of us was exactly right.
For us the best solution ended up being a third party. They had a numbers mind like me, but they could explain what Kj was saying too. To be clear they DID say the exact same thing as Kj, it was just a different understanding because this person was able to dive numbers deep into why. That part I wasn't getting from my conversations with Kj. This method may not be for everyone, but for this time for us it worked.
Kj and I both learned something though about ourselves in this process. For me I get the "nice nasty" unwittingly from my mother and I need to watch what I am saying and LISTEN to my wife. Now, I don't want to speak for my wife, but she did say she needs to not give up in conversation when trying to convey her message, and try to find the correct outlets to connect what she is trying to say to me without being afraid of coming off as a dream killer. She's not a dream killer, she's my voice of reason. Even though my voice of reason is hard headed as hell and annoying, she's mine. By the way we are going with her Chicken way of course. Fellas don't argue just do what they say, I think I've learned, even though I'll probably fight it a little while longer.
"Bend Don't Break" -Grandmother and GDaddy
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